Categories
The Workings of Our Minds.

Pathways

Life doesn’t always give us the opportunity to follow paths we choose.

Were regularly presented with unplanned routes not knowing where they lead.

Our perception, these journeys will be littered with difficulty, asking too much of ourselves!!

Sitting in my chemo chair in 2018, I was all smiles even though I intrinsically hated every minute of what was happening to me. Yet there, in my gut, I knew that there was a plan for me and ultimately this was MY journey.

Our life experiences offer such intricate insights, forcing the essence of our Beings to new unimaginable heights. They, whether it be in all their glory or despair, determine our stories.

So rather than being fearful, worried & anxious, I’ve learnt to wholly accept, the good and the bad.

Staying focused, calm & positive throughout has allowed me to take each day, each experience with confidence.

Chemo, ill health, accompanied by an assortment of life experiences as compartmentalized by me throughout the years, have repeatedly taught me that, however difficult it may seem, its all good, it will all come good.

I will come through having experienced the real fullness of my life.

At the end of each experience there is an undeniable realisation that it the hiccups are just a process, a period of adaptation and commitment to something initially un-welcomed, unwanted but can be ultimately rewarding, rather than making it a struggle I have allowed it to be, done the very best I could and watched it unfold, while finding the silver lining at the end of the experience !!

From one to another, I do hope that whatever your path is, you find the rainbows that await you and taste the sweetest joy of knowing how capable and talented you truly are.

There can be no rainbows without the clouds, I know its cheesy but it is a natural fact.

Categories
Guidance for Daily Living

The Extraordinary Ordinary.

If you want to find true greatness, love & beauty.

Find it in the ordinary.

The silent details of each and every day.

As humans we always search and strive for more than we have, whether it be greater wealth, a true love, talented children, a luxurious lifestyle etc. The list is endless.

We routinely and habitually forget, or choose not to acknowledge the blessings already afforded to us.

Our health, the love of our friends and family and the simple ability of being able to live our own lives, through certain choices, is a reason for celebration.

Appreciate the daily blessings each and every day will not only quieten your mind but give you the mental resource to expand your life into areas of complete and utter joy. So please, rather than looking outside, look in, know who you are and what you have, I am absolutely sure, more of that beauty will naturally flow your way.

Its not easy to do, but I do feel it absolute necessary, in the interest of achieving a full, settled and happy life.

Categories
Guidance for Daily Living

Me, You, US ALL

My body, my JOURNEY,

My mind, my power,

My soul, my sanctuary,

My spirit, my saviour.

Categories
The Workings of Our Minds.

Fear

DebilitatingĀ 

You will never move forward with fear, it will either take you BACK to the past or a dark place in the present, from where your unable to move forward.

DestructiveĀ 

It infects relationships, careers, dreams and ambition, that little seed, left unchecked will cripple you mentally and physically.

DamagingĀ 

Smashing self confidence, well being and failing to truly realise your true worth in this world.

Follow the rainbow that the clouds will give way to.

You & your time on this planet deserves so much more !!

Categories
Poems & Quotes Relationships

A Love Story

Once there was a man and a woman.

Some would say she was spoilt and he was utterly stupid.

They met years ago.

But their relationship was only cemented, on that day,

when she asked him, in a harsh voice,

what am I to you ?

In front of his entire family,

he thought, walked around her.

Then quietly, with an extraordinary sense of assurance,

he whispered a message in her ear,

which instantly made her cry.

Silent tears that hit her,

to her core.

Then in a strong voice, he said,

sheā€™s my *biwi, my love, my future and smiled.

They were married

His family argued he was lost to her.

People that knew them, well enough,

knew, she was to him.

As they aged, whatever she asked, she received.

Her requests fulfilled.

And sure enough, he never gave her cause to feel let down.

We may not understand it, but this was their love story, which stood the test of time.

Remaining faithful and loyal, only to the other.

They never left the othersā€™ side and only saw each other,

in the decisions they made, until their time.

Ā 

*biwi ā€“ Wife

Categories
Poems & Quotes

Change

The unfolding process of change, will lead to unthinkable possibilities.

If greeted & celebrated them tiny slivers of hope will transform into real possibilities of growth.

Categories
Guidance for Daily Living

Conscious Living

Aimlessly subjecting yourself to what life has to throw at you is NOT LIVING. Conscious living is equal to adopting practices that lead to self awareness, self sufficiency and empowerment.

It entails mentally and physically investing your time and thoughts into activities that allow you to evolve as an individual.

The result, you looking no further for answers or solutions but yourself.

The beauty, is the knowledge that you, you alone have the ability and power to improve & move forward with your intentions, hopes & dreams.

Categories
The Workings of Our Minds.

Mind Clatter

That’s what I call it, mind clatter.

The working of your mind focused on your to do list,  pick up the groceries, need to order A,B,C…., wouldn’t it be nice if I managed to clean/clear this out……It doesn’t stop and its a daily habitual routine.

This is not LIVING, it is akin to acting like a human robot, regurgitating the same old without enjoyment of time or truly living and experiencing the days.

But I warn you now, it is one of the hardest tasks, to create new habits, to break down the old methods of doing things and re-learning, re-training your mind in the hope that you will live a more satisfied and fulfilled life.

Alas, that’s what my life cries out for, its non-negotiable, just as important as raising my son to the best of my abilities. I am determined to at least try.

When that clatter rears its ugly head in the back of my mind, I try and switch it OFF.

Choosing to live in the tiny moments that form my day, focusing my mind to truly experience, savour and devour those precious moments, whether that be feeling & breathing the air whilst walking the dog, creatively cooking a meal, savouring a sit down with a book and tea, beautiful details that make up my days & ultimately my months & years.

Creating memories of my life and the knowledge that it was lived in such a way that my heart jumped through the differing parts of routinely lived days.

Categories
The Workings of Our Minds.

Stress….and those that give you stress.

ONE: Get away from them…..as far as possible. 

TWO: Don’t absorb the stress, either being forced or offered. 

THREE: Turn what can be a stressful situation on its head, consider it as an opportunity for change.

It sounds so simple, how can it be that simple ?

It really is that simple, but it is not simple acting out 1, 2 or 3, it is however, beneficial to follow the above steps in protecting your physical, emotional & mental well being.

The first task is to recognise it, acknowledge it and fully accept it. To have a deeper understanding of a particular situation, environment or person, and then to just let it go once you realise the situation or person(s) come with a shovel full of stress.

Don’t over think it, play it over in your mind, dissect it, re-evaluate, question yourself & others, just accept it as being in existence, let it go and move forward knowing there will be a solution, an answer, if one is required, that will come in its own sweet time.

Stress is a killer, it seeps into your body, mind & soul and slowly holds such power that it alters peoples mindsets, behaviours. reactions, thoughts and overall physical/mental well being.

There is always a choice, a choice to welcome & incorporate that event in complete acceptance so the stress falls away or to simply combat it by remaining clam, lucid & content.

I can hear it now, calm, content when faced with financial disaster, illness, or a really rough difficult few months. We have all been there, often, but truly realising that sleepless nights & driving yourself crazy would not change a thing, can only be the start of some form of healing.

On many occasions including being diagnosed I have automatically switched to warrior mode. I knew in that instance I risked losing taking control that ultimately would lead to a slippery slope. So I regained my composure and figured out how best to deal with  all the events where my heart has been placed on the line. 

Thus I opened my arms to all those events, even greet it as if it was an old friend. Suddenly I regained a sense of control, clarity of mind and a certain peace that it was and will be ok.

Thats not to say there still wasn’t dark days but I, now recall tackling them head on, accepting the dark day but knowing another new day was just around the corner, waiting for me.

Whatever happens, whether its regarded as good or bad, I automatically say its a blessing, that situation will allow me to step up, use my mind, consider my options and use my strengths in order to evolve.

Bad news for me leads to a shrug of the shoulders and getting on with the rest of MY day.

Categories
Physical Health

Cancer Treatment – Chemotherapy & Radiotherapy 2018

2018 was entirely dominated by treatment for my Breast Cancer diagnosis delivered sensitively on the 03 Jan 18. It’s been a ride !!!!

The process, for me, involved a lumpectomy, chemotherapy and finally radiotherapy, so a good chunk of what there was to offer, just to make sure I had the full experience.

Mentally I had no expectations or pre conceived ideas how this would all pan out. My control was limited to my responses & reactions to the entire process. I opted toĀ  remain calm and just go with it, the focus being to complete the treatment and just get my life back, whatever that had changed to.

There was no option but to incorporate this diagnosis as the main feature of my life for the best part of a year, hate that fact with a vengeance made no difference to the fact, so i resigned myself to it and just went with it.

Chemotherapy. Now this is a different animal entirely. It not only kills the bad cells but also the good, so your left, effectively with nothing.

I went from an active, busy working mum to one that had to push herself just to complete basic household chores, usually limited to one chore per day, which would wipe me out during chemo.

In my heart of hearts I was clinging onto my old self and knew that I had been reduced to this ghost of a person, physically anyway. That really hurt & still does stick in my gut, but one thing that I retained and would not release, was the power of my mind and my role as a mother. I was determined, absolutely determined to remain myself, that which I always was to my core & mum to my son.

The same wasn’t felt for the wife role but hey ho, something has to give !!

Everyone knows the reputation Chemo has and what it does to a person, its all true!!! It led me to the inevitableĀ  by the beginning of the 3rd week of my 1st session my hair started falling out in clumps. It was irritating and painful & I desperately sought some control of the situation so I asked my hairdresser just to shave the whole thing off. Not only was I was fed up of finding hair all over the house, I figured it would of been more distressing to watch it fall out slowly rather than let it go all at once, for me, anyway.

My husbands first sight of my with a shaved head was devastating for him, it acted as confirmation that his wife was really not well, I think before then he lulled himself into a false sense of security that somehow I would feel and be affected too badly by the whole process. On seeing me every day the effects of this illness was staring straight at him, moving its way into our lives and trying for a permanent position.

My son, on the other hand, didn’t even look twice, shrugged his shoulders and said, you have to do what you have to. Proof that kids are far more flexible than us adults.

My cycle of Chemo was every 3 weeks, the first 2 weeks I would feel sick, quite literally, exhausted, I had to pull every ounce of energy just to fulfil my basic needs. The 3rd week I would feel a little human and then it would be time for another session. With each added session the side effects worsened. My oncologist, prescribed me the best medication she could to limit these but she couldn’t eradicate them. I lost about 5Kg in weight over the period, I had to lose weight anyway but this was a little drastic!! I couldn’t eat certain foods, traditional curries were out, anything spicy was a no no so I reverted to plain foods, mainly white bread toast & boiled eggs.

When your in the midst of feeling so damn ill you start thinking your’ll never be better again. During this time I desperately needed my family just to keep me sane. They did exactly that, the necessary. Close friends remained close, watchful and others just helped when it was needed. Ill be honest, I’ve been blown away by peoples kindness, it has been nothing short of extraordinary.

However the response has been varied, people react differently, some can swallow a loved one being sick , others just can’t. And then you have those that re-affirm their selfishness via their complete lack of care, thought regard. Oh yes, I had those in my pot as-well.

The old saying, when you get in deep your realise who your people are, never rang so true.

Radiotherapy was a walk in the park compared to chemo, the most difficult thing was travelling back and forth to hospital for an appointment that would usually last 10 minutes. 08 October 2018 was my last radiotherapy appointment. When I left the hospital I didn’t know whether to smile or cry, instead I just chose to take in the air and sit in my comfort.

The most heartwarming part of the process of radiotherapy particularly was the commitment and love shown by my husband. Ordinarily, he has a life, a busy life, working, colleagues, friends, family. All that stopped for the month I was in treatment, he stayed by my side for each session, driving me an hour there & back every day, then treating me to lunch every day after an appointment & remaining just there irrelevant of the world as it continued. Our lives literally stayed still over that period & it reminded me what a kind, gentle soul he is.

I promised after treatment never to waste a day again, never to waste my love, kindness, thoughts and care on things & people that just don’t make the cut. So I continue to invest in myself, be honest when asked and thankful for all that surrounds me.

Unlike prior to diagnosis each new day brings me possibilities i never dreamed, finally i am living life as opposed to dragging myself through it.

Yes a cancer diagnosis and treatment was a nightmare but one which saved me, made me reassess everything and make some active decisions as to how I wanted to truly live.

No point waiting for things to happen, my advise, grab opportunities with both hands and take complete control of where and with whom you just want to BE.